18 May 2016

One of those days. . .



To all of you, dear readers, who deal with depression and any of the myriad of mental illnesses that make you wish (sometimes) that you hadn’t woke up some morning?

By the way, don’t say that (‘I wish I hadn’t woke up today’) around people you work with. The results could be disastrous -- later on that.

So, back to the question – ever wake up and.  .  . actually feel good? Energized? Optimistic? Glad to be alive?
Irony

Crazy, I know, but sometimes it happens. It happened to me today. I’m still trying to figure out why. 

Checklist:

Sleep – normal. I got to bed at 9, watched you tube on my smart phone and finally fell asleep around 10:15. Woke up. . . early for me at 4:50 a.m. 

Dreams – from what I remember they were. . .pretty good for once. I’m going to pass here on the specifics. 

Change in medication – took a gabapentin before bed. I had tried this medication before and have recently been prescribed it again. Although I have noted a mood lift (it’s also great as an adjunct with Advil for back pain), it’s hard for me to believe that one extra pill could cause this near euphoria. 

Mania? Too soon to tell. Haven’t had a mania episode since last year. And, generally, they aren’t happy episodes. 

Change in diet – nope, still bad. Had a big bowl of moose tracks ice cream before bed. Bad, bad, bad. Steak and potatoes for dinner.

But you can try
Work – still waiting on the results of a star chamber proceeding from last week in which I testified for 2-1/2 hours. Did have a meeting last night where I started planning my first PR campaign since last October. Could that have done it? I wasn’t that thrilled but it was nice to feel relevant again.

Home – my wife and I are considering adopting a kitten to add to our cat collection. Well, it’s just one other cat who is seven-years-old (female) and we have the usual concerns about compatibility and I have the concern about more litter box cleaning. 
Not making this an easy decision

Our last comet goldfish is hanging on for dear life in our pond despite my continuously frustrating efforts to raise fish.

Nothing stands out. 

Of course, I am over-analyzing things, which is what we do. Only the depressed and anxiety-ridden actually obsess over why we are un-expectantly feeling good

The easy answer is: KNOCK IT OFF AND JUST ENJOY THE MOMENT. Because, as we all know too well, it probably will not last the day. 

Ah, but there’s the rub: I’ve spent the better part of 35 years trying to figure out where these moods swings, anxiety attacks and general malaise come from and how to stop them. So whence comes the day I say ‘good morning’ to co-workers and actually mean it, I can’t help but analyze. 

So I will spend the rest of the day trying to enjoy the ‘moments.’ What else can I do? 

Oh right – look out for the other shoe to drop. 

 Gimme that shoe! (inside Cleveland reference)
Psychologist-in-my-head: but what if the shoe doesn’t drop? What will you do then?

Me: I will find a shoe, any shoe, and drop it myself. Hell, I’ll go to Kohls and buy new shoes and drop them in the pond if I have to. The shoe must drop!

Psychologist (IMH): why? 

Me: Because otherwise, I’ll feel that the world must surely be coming to an end.

Psychologist (IMH): you know, you’re really a piece of work.

Me: I know. My dad told me that long ago. 

Ain't it the truth